Lessons to my Daughter on Love, Wellness, & Self-Care
Reprinted and Adapted with Permission from Unerased|Black Women Speak
by Tracy Chiles McGhee
From mundane moments to life’s greatest milestones, my affirmations for my daughter, Sasha A. Alston, serve as a prayer for her well-being. Recently, a conversation between us illuminated the profound impact of our bond on our lives, underscoring the importance of self-love and the tangible ways in which our relationship fosters wellness. Let me count the ways.
1. Expressing Love
For as long as I can remember, I've made it a habit to tell Sasha that I love her in a sing-song chant, regardless of where we are or what we're doing - “I love my Sasha…I love my Sasha.” Even when she's not physically near, I find myself verbalizing my love for her, hoping that wherever she may be, she feels the warmth of my unconditional affection in her spirit. Repetitive messages that seep into our unconscious mind are powerful.
2. Words with Actions
Expressing love through words is essential, but backing them up with actions is equally important. I vividly recall a moment from Sasha's childhood when she handed me a list of her needs with remarkable clarity and respect. Some requests included: “Be a little bit more nice; Spend more quality time together, Try to listen to what I want for my room and Be a good listener please”.
3. Including Self-Care
In a candid exchange, Sasha, now in her mid-twenties, assured me that she feels deeply loved, particularly by me, and that she has cultivated a strong sense of self-love. She outlined her daily self-care rituals, which include affirmations, morning meditation, exercise, reading, and setting healthy boundaries with others. This conversation revealed how our relationship fosters not only love between us but also encourages individual wellness and self-care.
This list served as a wake-up call for me to be more attentive and responsive to her emotional needs, leading me to adopt a gentler demeanor and prioritize quality time together. Being a single mom and newly stressed-out lawyer with a heavy caseload was no excuse for a little girl (aged- 9) who simply wanted a fully present and considerate Mommy. I listened.
4. Supporting Dreams
From encouraging Sasha's interests in technology as a teenager to exposing her to various experiences without pressure, I've strived to support her dreams and foster her personal growth. I was never a helicopter mom but I was an invested Momager that acted as a springboard for sound business advice and encouragement as her dreams manifested. Striking this balance helped to empower her to pursue her passions fearlessly on her own terms. For Sasha, this has led to remarkable achievements within education, her career, and her social justice initiatives empowering young women and girls.
5. Maintaining Connection
Despite living in different states and leading busy lives, Sasha and I make a concerted effort to stay connected through daily phone calls, texting, and sharing humorous content. And when we get together, whether it’s trying new restaurants, binge-watching provocative films, taking brisk walks or plotting our next adventure, our bond remains unwavering, strengthened by open and consistent communication.
6. Respecting Boundaries
Respecting each other's boundaries has also been crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. Sasha's understanding of my need as an introvert for solitude and recovery time speaks volumes about her consideration and respect for my well-being. And my awareness of when I am getting on her nerves through mostly subtle cues is a must for me, especially when I have pending requests that involve her time or energy. I know when to back off.
7. Staying Grounded
Sasha now works for a major, global company and is the best-selling author of the children’s book, Sasha Savvy Loves to Code. She was in town recently giving an uplifting presentation to children at a local hospital. After hours on my couch, snacking and watching movies, it was time for her to head back home. Our farewell ritual of a super short hug and a quick “goodbye” reminded me of the unbreakable thread that binds us. We give more weight to “hellos” than “good-byes”. We remain grounded in love and a positive outlook.
Sasha and I have encountered and overcome many challenges. Despite what life uncertainties may arise, we'll continue to face them together with the inner strength our spirituality provides and support from our loved ones.
Tracy Chiles McGhee is the award-winning author of Melting the Blues and the Founder & CEO of My Published Book, where she leverages her prowess in indie publishing and marketing to amplify women’s voices.