Sip Savor & RSVP
HOLIDAY ETIQUETTE TIPS AND POINTERS TO PREPARE YOU FOR A FESTIVE SEASON FILLED WITH PEACE AND JOY!
by Toya Corbett Ph.D. “The Etiquette Doctor”
Growing up in North Carolina, the holidays were always filled with family, food, and fun. My grandmother started cooking the week before Thanksgiving and didn’t stop until the day after Christmas. I can still smell her hot buttermilk biscuits coming out of the oven and taste the love in her perfectly fried chicken. Displaying her southern hospitality and knowledge of dining etiquette, my grandmother would pull out her good china, silverware, glass cake stand, and white-laced tablecloth as she placed the final touches on what would be a soul food extravaganza!
Although my grandmother is no longer with us, I think of her fondly during this season, especially when hosting gatherings in my home. While she would have been drinking Sanka instant coffee and listening to gospel music on the local AM station, my more modern approach to decking the halls includes sipping Pinot Noir, savoring some charcuterie, and the Temptations Christmas CD on repeat.
Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but entertaining and attending holiday events can be both exciting and stressful! Planning, cooking, shopping, and just showing up on time cause quite a stir in the atmosphere. Not to mention wrangling the family for your yearly Christmas card photo, searching for matching pajamas, sending out invitations to the annual Kwanzaa celebration, deciding what to wear to the office party, and finding the perfect gift for your in-laws. Whew, Bah Humbug!
NAVIGATING SOCIAL EVENTS
When hosting a party, send invitations three to four weeks in advance. Consider dietary restrictions and allergies, offer a signature cocktail to simplify beverage options, and prepare for unexpected guests.
When invited to a social event, RSVP before the deadline, arrive on time, refrain from bringing a plus one without permission, and leave at an appropriate hour. Also, refrain from assuming you can take leftovers; be polite and ask first.
Oh! If you take a bottle of wine to a gathering that is not opened, some consider it rude to ask for it back. You can leave it as a gift for the host.
As you spend time visiting family and friends during the holidays, do not show up unannounced or empty-handed. Baked goods, chocolate, a poinsettia, a scented candle, or a bottle of wine are wonderful crowd-pleasers.
HARD TO GIFT
We all have people in our lives who make gift-giving incredibly difficult. They either have every gadget known to man, or exquisite taste beyond our budget. The most thoughtful gifts are typically not very expensive but come from the heart-symbolizing a connection between the giver and receiver. Instead of overthinking it, you can always ask a person for a wish list, create a theme based on their interests or hobbies, purchase gift cards from their favorite stores, or give cash with a cute note.
When possible, buy Black and local. In the spirit of Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics), try your best to support African American-owned businesses instead of going to the big box retailers.
Think twice before regifting. Is it still new? Too cheap? A good fit? Is any sentimental value attached from the person who gave it to you? If you are planning to regift, be thoughtful and at least take time to re-wrap the item.
Following the Kwanzaa principle, Kuumba (Creativity), another gift option is to curate an experience such as a family fun day, a cooking class learning how to make grandma’s biscuits, or an in-home wine tasting composed of vino from Black-owned wineries.
OFFICE PARTIES
Many people loathe attending the office holiday party. Still, it is the perfect opportunity to meet new colleagues, other departments, and build community with folks you may spend more time with than your family. Try your best to limit conversations about work-related topics. It’s a festive occasion, not a Monday morning staff meeting. More importantly, monitor your alcohol consumption. Too many trips to the open bar can land your name at the top of the office scuttlebutt.
PRACTICE MINDFUL INTERACTIONS
During the hustle and bustle of the season, turn your manners meter all the way up. Be polite, courteous, and gracious. Hold the door open for others, practice patience in parking lots, remember those in need, respect other religious traditions, and don’t forget to say “thank you” when on the receiving end of gifts or thoughtful gestures.
Be mindful that the holidays can be a dreaded season for those dealing with depression, the loss of a loved one, or economic hardships. A kind word and a smile are free.
If you don’t do anything else during the holiday season, gather the family for at least one sit-down meal. Pull out grandma’s white-laced tablecloth, good china, and silverware. Set the table and utilize the dining etiquette skills you acquired in home economics class or a cotillion many years ago. Raise a glass to honor your ancestors and give thanks for the present. Then, sip and savor the moment.
Dr. Toya Corbett is a sought-after career coach, speaker, and trainer - providing transformational and culturally relevant experiences for diverse audiences across the country. She is passionate about assisting Black women and college students with navigating the job market and showing up with courage and confidence. Under the name, The Etiquette Doctor, she conducts dining and business etiquette training with an emphasis on personal branding and executive presence. www.toyacorbett.com